


murder your memory

by mfmfs



Category: Frank Iero and the Patience, Gerard Way and the Hormones, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Blood and Gore, Bottom Gerard Way, Drug Use, Gore, M/M, Minor Character Death, Serial Killers, Smut, Top Frank Iero, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-05-13 15:34:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14751573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mfmfs/pseuds/mfmfs
Summary: Gerard Way had a troubled past. Neglected by his parents, he grew up with numerous mental disorders. Growing up, every step he made was well thought and, even though he had become a serial killer, no living soul was aware of that. He didn't work well with others, nor did he want to, but that was about to change. On the exact day of his 22nd birthday, he was approached by a friend of his brother's: Frank Iero, a nosy punk who apparently seemed very interested in Gerard. Frank suspected Gerard was up to something and admitted that, which only increased Gerard's paranoia. Frank came up with a theory that put Gerard in all of the unsolved crimes in the area and offered Gerard a deal: his theory wouldn't be shared with the world if Gerard would teach Frank, introduce him to the world of crime. Their relationship grew more and more intimate as time passed by, but it came to an end. They parted ways, not hearing about each other for about five years. That is until they see each other at the prison. Gerard had no idea how he himself had gotten in there, he couldn't find a single flaw in his killings and he definitely isn't having the best time inside prison. Will Gerard's breakdown lead into him and Frank reuniting?





	1. 01

Blood on the walls, vomit on the bathroom stalls. All of this made the place even more disgusting than the people who temporarily but surely had been forced to call the filthy building home. It looked like no soul had dared to clean it for months; maybe even years... And the place's smell made it all obvious, if it hadn't been before. It smelled like despair. Absolute and complete despair; and it was honestly disgusting.

His eyes weren't used to seeing such dirty rooms and it was starting to make him panic. But not as much as the unknown faces. God, he felt alone in the middle of so many men. Helpless. Almost broken.

All of the tiny details in that hellhole reminded him of the trial earlier on. Drug trafficking? Really? He sure as hell wasn't a saint and he certainly had committed a lot of the darkest felonies known to mankind, had done things that were serious enough to get him the death penalty, but he didn't have shit to do with any kind of drug traffic. Maybe he had done some coke and some heroin, but dealing? Nah. He kept all of the good stuff to himself. It would be stupid of him to do otherwise.

"Welcome to this luxurious hotel you are having the undeniable luck to stay in." The voice was obviously sarcastic, but it still made Gerard sigh from how stupid the other's voice had sounded. "Enjoy your stay. Anyway, you must be Gerard, right? I've been told you'd come around sooner or later. Follow me." A new figure said, walking to another compartment without letting him say a thing. So, pretty little boy Gerard followed him. Pathetic.

"So, this is your bench. You get the upper one, James most likely won't get out of the lower one. Well, credit will be added to your account on the store in a couple weeks, until that happens, you can't buy anything. My name is Bert and you" he paused, his eyes scanning over Gerard's rather feminine body. "Oh God, you, angel, can talk to me if you need anything. You'll have to do some favors in return, though... But those will later be discussed. I'm sure it won't be anything you're not used to..." The guy, Bert apparently, said with a monotonous voice tone that changed a little at the end of his small speech. His voice was somewhat comforting for Gerard. It was actually really calm yet still somewhat raspy and low, which made it familiar in a way.

Bert handed Gerard a toothbrush and toothpaste and winked before leaving. Gerard decided to stick to this man. He didn't want to be alone for the first time ever and this was the most familiar person he had found in there. Probably the only person that would be worth his time.

Outside of prison, he did have his friends. Belladonna and Elvira were the only ones who he would proudly call friends. They weren't as fucked up in the head as he was and they didn't go as extreme as murdering anyone, but that didn't make them a good influence.

Both females had a drug addiction, smoked about two packs per day and got wasted almost every night. He kept them close, though. He almost had the parental need to protect them and keep them out of danger. He kept them close and safe and that's just how they had always worked. In the beginning, both girls had tried to also protect Gerard, but the stubborn fucker hated the feeling of someone wanting to protect him. He was a grown up man, who could handle his stuff just fine! He didn't understand why they had tried to treat him like a sweet and delicate flower, when, if he wanted to, he could choke them to death in a matter of seconds.

Gerard spent the small bit of morning time there was left waiting for time to go on. He was on the upper bench, just like Bert had told him, curled up in a ball and trying his hardest not to break down. He could hear voices that were not familiar to him. He heard steps and screams and it made him so fucking anxious. It was too much. Too much happening at the same time and he just couldn't focus. And, just when he had started to focus on something, there was someone around who had decided to just fucking breathe too loudly and it angered him deeply. He wanted to pull their heads and smash them against the wall so many times that he could eventually hear the bones of their skull crack. And all of that just so he could actually think. Think about anything. 

His pretty face was bruised, he was still slightly bleeding and his breath was still somewhat fast from how nervous he had been a couple hours before and maybe also from how nervous he was becoming because of his inability to focus. 

Taking him out of his household and getting him to go to the courthouse wasn't easy. Gerard did fight back, which, even in his own opinion, had been a stupid reaction. I mean, he was only making things so much worse for him. But it honestly wasn't his fault, it was the lack of his plan's fault. That was why Gerard needed his routine organized: just so he didn't act out of impulse. He got three police officers to the hospital, maybe broken a couple of their bones. He knew he shouldn't have done it, but, in the heat of the moment, he could not think about anything better. He couldn't think about anything at all. He felt panic rush over him and he felt it taking control of every single one of his actions. So really, it hadn't been Gerard. It had been Gerard's panic.

Gerard was eventually able to get away from all of the noises around him, under the cold bed covers there were in prison. And, as soon as he was able to think again, he really did take the morning as a chance to reflect about all of it. About everything and nothing at all. About how many lives he had taken. Oh, if only the juries, his shitty lawyer or the judge knew... They would say he was a monster. Heartless for committing the darkest arts ever known. And when did he start caring about what other's thought?

A shaky breath escaped his rosy lips and he hated himself for it. Weakness. He was showing weakness. He could not do that. He didn't have the time nor the patience to deal with some fuckers who thought they were better than him because they thought he was just a shitty drug dealer. They would all see him as weak or inferior. Vulnerable, maybe. Actually, he did have the time to deal with them. Thanks to some motherfucker whose name he was gonna discover soon, he had, at least, five fucking years.

No, he wouldn't last five years there. He was going to break. Gerard was going to be broken, just like the bones of his victims. Just like the families of his victims. Ironic, right? Well, karma is a bitch.

Lunchtime managed to arrive, helping the boy, who the world had turned man sooner than he was supposed to, start to get used to the routine he had to strictly follow for the following years. He probably didn't have to follow it in the most rigid way, specially because probably people in there didn't care as much as he first expected them to, but he'd rather follow a routine. It would help him stay somewhat normal in there. To have a routine, to have an orientation. To have a reason.

Slow and hesitantly, he left his bench and took a confused look around. There were so many men he hadn't seen before and he honestly did not like them at all. But there was honestly nothing he could do about it. So, he followed the other inmates to what he assumed was the canteen.

This whole place wasn't for Gerard. At least not when he was so, so close to having a nervous breakdown. He could not stay there for those long five years. Five fucking years. He was going to get even crazier if he stayed locked up like an animal for that long.

However, he was holding up rather well: He hadn't punched anyone so far, he hadn't kicked anyone in the balls either, and he was doing well when it came to hiding the bubbling anxiety in his stomach. As long as he didn't let it out, he was alright. As long as he didn't get in any kind of trouble for simply being irrational, he was alright.

Gerard's eyes were just starting to get used to the dirty canteen and all the people who he had never seen before, when he saw him. He saw him, right there, staring right back at Gerard with his cold, hazel eyes that felt like knifes stabbing his heart and his sould. And he was wearing the cocky smirk on his lips he always wore. God, he wished he could just wash it off of his face.

That was all it took for Gerard to lose it. He just couldn't fucking control himself anymore. Anger, rage, pure hate. Gerard groaned loudly and did his best not to run to him and fucking kill him.

But he couldn't. He couldn't show he was weak and that something got on his way. Gerard couldn't just let everyone know that he had a weakness. His weakness had been, and still is, love. The love he had for his brother and, eventually, the love he had for this man. Or at least, the love he used to have for him. Because now, it was all gone. He walked next to the man, his own orange vest contrasting the man's beije one.

Gerard's lip was bleeding from how hard he was biting on it. His fists were clenched, but he managed to, somehow, control himself and his anger. Gerard just stood there, completely paralyzed, his sad eyes meeting the man's cold ones.

"Hey babe." The man said, seductive voice tone. The two guys behind him smirked as well, and whistled at Gerard. Almost as if they were catcalling him. Did he seriously need too guys to prove how he was superior? Because it wasn't those two guys that made him look good. Nothing could make him look good or superior. Because he was weak. 

Memories. So many memories crossed his mind.

He couldn't do nothing but deeply wish that he could just murder all of his memory, just the way he had done to so many human beings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um, now this is also published on my wattpad, @starshcpping . leave kudos and comment maybe ??? id love to know what you think so far !


	2. 02

_02 April 9, 1999_

Of all of the days a year had to give, this one in specific had to come around again. Gerard knew that, eventually, this day would arrive, but he was hoping that it took longer for that to happen than it actually did. But there he had it, his motherfucking birthday. It was almost sad that he had to go through this day every single year.That he had to put up with everyone being so happy, just because it made exactly _x_ years since he had been born. It was pathetic, really.

Celebrating birthdays had never been as thrilling as it was for his younger brother. His younger brother always saw their birthdays as an excuse to get presents or as a way of the world thanking him for being alive for another year.However, for Gerard, it was just stupid to celebrate his own birth. Especially because, as depressing as it might sound, he was no good to the humankind and he was better off dead. Not that he wanted to die, but he knew he was horrible when it came to being a normal human being. But, honestly, aren't we all?

But there he was, in the same bar he always went to, no matter what. He had ordered a couple of vodka shots and downed all of them slowly. Not that he liked the taste, because, let's be real, nobody likes the taste of vodka, but he did like to feel the alcohol burning down his throat. He wasn't a drunk, but he was addicted to that feeling. Gerard controlled himself and didn't spend his whole life getting shitfaced like a lost soul. He managed to have some self control, no matter what. Because, without it, he'd be completely lost.

"Whiskey, please!" he yelled out loud at the bartender who simply nodded and served him a glass of what Gerard considered the best whiskey they had in that place. Gerard smiled. Fuck yeah, he was all by himself. For now at least. For now he could have some peace, but he knew it wouldn't last long.

Sadly, he had some things planned for the night. His brother was going to manage to get inside of the bar with one of his friends or whatever and the two of them would get drunk with him. This, of course, would sound almost impossible to do if the bar followed the law and didn't allow younger kids there. But that, of course, didn't happen, because they were only worried about their profit. They'd do anything for a few extra bucks, even if that included allowing children to get drunk. So, in there, it was possible to see and look at all types of what Gerard, even though he wasn't that old himself, considered children. Anyone with more than sixteen years of age could step in, so it wouldn't be no problem for the two boys to join him.

Anyway, that day hadn't been exactly different to what Gerard considered a normal day, even though his days were everything but normal, really. But it had been a pretty cool day, because they had all treated it the same way they would treat a Saturday, honestly. He had actually spent most of his time getting high with Belladonna until she had to leave for work. He couldn't even remember if he had eaten anything, but that wasn't the point. Elvira showed up later and they did some coke, as usual and the two of them eventually ended up making out, no feelings besides friendship attached, though. They were just too out of it to have any control over what they were doing. Too fucked up to even think properly. Their minds were too intoxicated.

So, right now, Gerard was high, getting drunk and spending his time flirting back with dudes and chicks who approached him just because he thought that it was fun. He was just having a good time, enjoying himself, which was usually pretty hard for him, because Gerard wasn't exactly one to have the mental stability it took him to be relaxed for so long. It was all going well until he felt someone tap his shoulder. The young adult turned around to see his brother next to some punk friend of his.

This unknown boy, who Gerard had assumed that was his brother's friend, had blond hair and a mohawk-like hairstyle. He had a couple of tattoos here and there, but the one that he had on his neck was the first one to completely catch all of Gerard's attention, in a bad way. The artwork was so poorly done... that made Gerard wonder if he had done it just to, like a normal teenager, rebel out against his parents or society in general, or even both at the same time. It had probably been his first tattoo, maybe the one that he had gotten for his eighteenth birthday. The boy most likely wanted to show his parents that he was now free. That he was now the owner of himself. Little did the boy know that adulthood is not just having some edgy tattoos. He probably was still living with his parents.

"Gerard!" he heard his brother yell and saw the other boy smirk, a cocky smirk that he would most likely remember. "Is my hotness getting you distracted?" the boy finally spoke, laughing afterwards. His voice was low and raspy and he definitely had a pot laugh. Gerard started to feel the bitter taste of anger on his mouth now. Why did the guy have to be so cocky? The world didn't revolve around him, the boy needed to calm down because they had literally just met and the fact that the first word's the weird boy had said to Gerard were so arrogant and weird, made him want to throw his guts out.

Gerard rolled his eyes and sighed. "No,none of that," he chuckled sarcastically and squinted his eyes a little bit, trying to analyze Frank's tattoos without invading his oh-so-called personal space. He was a merciless piece of shit to most people, really, but, come on! He had some respect for some people, because he knew that, no matter how ugly it got, humanity was and would always be a source of faith for him. And he had to be respectful if he wanted others to respect him too. He needed to be respected, he needed approval, because, deep down, he was just an insecure little baby who's father hadn't been nice to. " I was just thinking about your tattoos and I almost immediately realized that your neck tattoo is all fucked up. One side has four claws and the other three. Sorry to break it down, but I just don't think that's how anatomy really works. I'm pretty sure it needed to have the same amount of legs or claws or whatever on both sides."

Frank giggled and Mikey rolled his eyes, slightly upset at his brother for being a little rude. "You do have a point, bud." Frank said, raising both his hand as if he was surrendering himself, before turning to the bartender. "I really like the color of his drink. I'll have one of those too." He asked the bartender, probably trying to sound smooth when, in reality, he did just make a fool of himself. Not that Gerard cared, though. He wasn't in position to care nor in position to judge him, but he definitely was in position to make an asshole-ish comment about it.

"It's just whiskey, dude." Gerard rolled his eyes and took a sip from the drink that for some reason had became their topic of conversation. His eyes momentarily met his brother's, who was just awkwardly standing there, not really knowing what to do or say. Gerard sighed and motioned for one of the bartenders to get closer to him, which he did.

"Mikey over there," he pointed at his brother discretely as he spoke "is kinda lonely. I want you to introduce him to Christine, please." Gerard smiled and winked at the bartender. "If you do that, sugar, you can meet me on the back of the building tomorrow at 6 am. We could have a little fun and it'd be cheaper for you this time, John." The bartender nodded and did just as it was requested.Their "little fun" would, as it was probably obvious at this point, sex. Even though Gerard wasn't necessarily a prostitute, he honestly didn't mind doing some sexual favors every now and then when it would mean he would get something in return or when he simply needed some cash urgently. Another bartender served the boy that came with Mikey and the nosy punk turned to Gerard.

"I'm Frank." The punk boy said, suddenly. It was kind of weird of him to just, start speaking like this, but he wouldn't say anything about it, it just wasn't worth caring. "You're Gerard, I know." he added before Gerard could even open his mouth or do anything more than just having a quick thought about what just happened.

With a nod, Gerard took yet another sip of his drink, taking his time to appreciate it and really feel it. When he was done, he put it back down on the table and looked at Frank with a little shrug of his shoulders. "You know, my first reaction would have been to just be like, okay this is creepy? Maybe, just maybe, I should hide? But then I remembered that you were hanging out with Mikey earlier on and that you probably already know everything there is to know about me because that fucker doesn't know how or when to shut up. It's not like I do, it might be a a family thing." He said with a little giggle, unsure of why he was being so bubbly or so talkative.

"Yeah, you're right about him not shutting up, but he didn't tell me anything besides your name and that it was your birthday today." Frank giggled softly as well. The pot laugh was back at annoying the living shit out of Gerard. "Tell me something about yourself, please, Gee."

A loud sigh emitted from his lips. "Okay dude, we just met..." Gerard bit his lip nervously."So, first of all, don't you ever call me that again. That is not my name. My name is Gerard, so please don't be afraid to use it. I really do like my name. Second, there is no shit to know about me. I'm a pretty boring guy anyway." Gerard shrugged.

"Oh, there must be something..." Frank smiled. The cocky smile. Fucking hell, he just wanted to punch him so hard he stopped smiling like this. Like he owned the fucking world. Like a fucking spoiled little brat.

"Well..." Gerard stopped for a small moment to think, but nothing seemed to come to his mind. Well, at least nothing that he actually wanted to tell Frank. "Everyone hates me, probably, but I don't mind because I hate everyone too." He ended up saying after some awkward moments.

"Something decent!" Frank insisted, quickly downing his drink.

"I'm a crazy psychopath who kills people on his spare time and actually just makes a very sweet perfume out of women's insides."

Frank laughed at that. Like, really loudly."Isn't that from a book?"

Gerard raised an eyebrow, actually surprised. This boy, Frank, didn't look like he even took a second to look at a book. Hell, he didn't even look like he cared enough to know how to read! "Yeah, it is." he nodded, sounding more surprised than he should've. "The perfume. I'm guessing you've read it?"

Frank nodded as he put the glass down. "I have."

Gerard smiled awkwardly and waited for Frank to say anything else, which he did."Say, Gerard. Is it true that you're not as much of an angel as you look?"

"Huh?" Gerard asked. What the fuck did this guy want from him? "Are you looking for sex or something?" He asked again, still sounding really confused.

"Well, I wouldn't mind it if it was with you, no, but that's not the point here. The thing is that, Gerard... you see, I am quite interested in crimes, if you wanna say it like that, and there are a shit ton of unsolved murders here in New Jersey. I have done some digging and all of the leads, that apparently are none, go back to you..."Gerard laughed. He was involved with most of them, indeed, but he was so fucking sure that nothing could have the evidence lead back to him, because there was not one single fucking flaw in them. "How so, huh?" Gerard asked.

"They're all people who you, somehow knew. You didn't like most of the people who died and one of your alibis could have easily been falsified. The one you used on Eliza Cutting's murder. Your alibi is really weak. You said you were having sex with Hambone. You know, John, the one who works here-"

"I know what I've said. How could I not remember what I said in my own dead fiancée's trial?" Gerard said, trying to sound hurt that Frank would think such things about him.

"I ain't no snitch, Gerard. Don't worry much about that. However, I was hoping we could make a little deal. I know you don't give two shits but, just to make sure you'll say yes, I will annoy you so fucking much."

"What do you want?" Gerard asked, obviously annoyed.

"Someone to teach me their... murderous ways. Someone to teach me not to get caught..." Frank whispered, biting his lip.

"I don't work well with others, Frank. You should know that, better than anyone. Besides, I haven't been arrested or considered a suspect for long, so you can guess that I'm just an innocent little boy who has lost his fiancée..." Gerard said with a little pout and then he shrugged, shaking his head softly. "If that's all you came here for, you can leave. I won't find it rude."

"I don't want to seem nice to you Gerard. I don't give a fuck about what you think about me... I won't shut up if you don't say yes."

"I really hope you know that you absolutely suck at manipulating people. I'll give you another chance because I'm feeling nice today." Gerard sighed. "Let's see what you can do."

Frank frowned and looked like he was deep in thought. Gerard had definitely surprised him with his request. Yet, some minutes and some shots later, he was practically eye-fucking Gerard and their bodies were closer than before and Gerard was definitely not complaining.

His hands were on Gerard's hips, his hot breath against the pale boy's neck who was practically on his lap by now. "We could do so much together... Fuck, I bet you love losing control sometimes, don't you? If you do this, I'll show you what being with a real man feels like, baby..."

Gerard giggled at Frank's choice of acts and he definitely could sense the other man blush, feeling judged and maybe even a little stupid. "Hotness, did you even do some research about me?"

"Well, yeah... You're 22, have had more fiancés than I can count and you are about to finish art school." Frank said after getting back to sitting straight awkwardly. He fixed his clothes and bit his lip anxiously, waiting for Gerard's answer towards his request.

"There is a tip I've got for you. Never try to seduce a sex worker... Usually doesn't work. And do your research before you try to manipulate someone. Take this as a yes, sugar pie. I'll see what I can do with you, but you have a lot to learn, though. And I'm not sure if you would actually be able to learn anything with me. You're too stubborn and I don't think I have the patience to force things inside your thick skull."

Franks face lit up in a sincere smile and he nodded. He looked like a happy puppy or some shit. He just seemed way too excited and way too happy for something like this. If he was so smart, why couldn't he fucking learn it by himself? That was part of the thrill, after all. "Thank you so so much. I could literally fucking kiss you right now."

With a roll of his eyes, Gerard shook his head. "Don't get too excited and go ahead, kiss me." He said in an almost daring voice tone. It was almost like he was challenging Frank.

Frank smiled and kissed Gerard's jawline, rather close to his neck. Gerard rolled his eyes. Did he really ask him if he could fucking kiss him just to kiss his jawline? All he said was "Really?", too fucking drunk to be one hundred percent aware that he had just asked a completely stranger to kiss him. That guy could be, and definitely acted like, a creep, but Gerard had no moral to accuse someone of that, so he simply stopped giving a fuck and decided to somehow provoke the little annoying punk.

"Hey, Hambone!" Gerard yelled. John, or Hambone as he was better known, came next to him and asked him and nodded his head a bit, almost as if asking him what he wanted. It was like Gerard was someone he needed to serve, even though, in bed, it was the other way around, completely. "Come here." He told him, his tongue darting out of his mouth just a little. Hambone inched closer and Gerard grabbed his cheeks, kissing him deeply.

Hambone was definitely caught off guard and he didn't move at first but, eventually, he gave in and grabbed Gerard's milky hips.

The kiss turned into a heated make out session, sadly for poor Frank, who was just awkwardly sipping his whiskey and trying not to look at them. Gerard was pressed against the balcony and his legs were wrapped around Hambone's waist, John's hands running through his hair and pulling on it softly, just the way he knew Gerard liked it. Little moans escaping the pale boy's pink lips.

Suddenly, he heard someone clean their throat. "John, back to work. You can have sex with your boyfriend later." the other bartender said, sighing loudly. "I don't want to have all of this shit just for myself. It's only the two of us working today, please have some respect for me, will you?"

And Gerard stopped his make out session with the elder, giggling but giving the other bartender a warning look. "I am not his boyfriend." he said, raising an eyebrow at him.

Gerard jumped off of the balcony in the most cute way possible and sat on the seat next to Frank, who clearly had gotten slightly turned on at both of their actions. His face was flushed and he was biting his lip.

"You know, I could've done just that with you, but you chose not to.." Gerard winked and kissed Frank's cheek. "Meet me at mine, ask my brother where I live. Be there tomorrow, seven am, don't be late. I don't like people being late."

And with that, Gerard left Frank there, leaving him to feel completely confused about what the fuck just happened.


	3. 03

Weak knees trying to keep him steady completely failed him. He tried to control himself, he really did, but he just couldn't. Gerard was fragile, everyone (even Frank himself) knew it. Deep down, Gerard also knew it too, and that made him feel vulnerable, horrible in a way. There were so many unwelcomed thoughts bubbling on his head... he was about to break down, he could sense it. He could smell it from afar.

Clenched fists lost their strength to just stay in that position, allowing his hands to slowly open up like a delicate rose in spring. He wasn't biting his lip anymore, but blood was still falling down from it and running down his chin, tainting his pale skin red. Tears were pooling in his eyes and he just couldn't keep them from falling. Not anymore. Gerard let the hot tears roll down his sad, expressionless eyes. His face, however, didn't even tremble or shake. His jaw didn't clench. If it wasn't for the tears rolling down his eyes, you wouldn't be able to sense any feeling on him.

And the memories. So many memories. They were filling his mind and, eventually, making him choke on his own tears. Why did he have to be haunted by so many past memories? Why couldn't he just forget? Why couldn't he simply let go? He really did want to forget. He really did want to forget about Frank and all the things they did. But he just could not.

Honestly, what made him feel this way weren't the memories; but what they led to, and how much he needed them back. They weren't gone either but, after so many years apart, they didn't even seem real anymore. They seemed so distant, and Gerard didn't even recognize the man he saw as himself in his memories. Gerard couldn't recognize himself...

Gerard was, and felt, completely weak. Helpless. Broken. With a loud gasp, he allowed himself to lean in and fall onto his lap. He, not so gracefully, wrapped his legs around the man's waist and summed all of the years they had spent apart in one whisper of "Frankie..." followed by a kiss. A heated kiss in the lips, that almost erased five years apart in a matter of seconds.

To say the least, Frank was shocked. He didn't expect Gerard to react like this... However, he didn't complain and limited himself to immediately kissing back, tasting Gerard's blood and feeling it getting smeared across his face. It felt so intimate in the most macabre way. Almost as if that was enough to make their bond stronger.

"No touching, inmates." was suddenly heard. It was a harsh, feelingless, almost robotic, voice. It was one of the police officers. Gerard jumped in surprise and saw Frank look at one of the guys previously behind him and made him a sign with his hand. He figured he was telling him to go talk to the policeman or something because Gerard's eyes followed the man and saw him approach the cop. He tilted his head to the side and squinted his eyes a little bit in order to, somehow, try to understand what the hell was going on. Gerard saw the officer nod and sigh loudly as they both spoke for quite a while.

Oh God, Gerard hated himself for what he was doing. He was acting so weak it was getting on his nerves. But, the reality was, he missed Frank. He really did. He also needed to stay on someone's side, in order to survive. At the moment, his main goal was, not to live, but to survive. To do his time rather peacefully and, if he had luck, get some kind of probation and be out of there as soon as he could.

For him, this wasn't happening. He wondered if he was asleep, or just daydreaming, because there was no way in hell this was happening right now. It was a simple thought, at least that was what he tried to convince himself of. He couldn't be doing this. He couldn't have just ruined a whole life of trying to suppress his emotions by just acting like a lost crybaby.

That was when Gerard realized he was sobbing, crying onto Franks' shoulder. He was trembling. All the emotions, all the feelings, they were there to be seen. They were there, exposing him and leaving him even more helpless. Everyone could see how he was fragile, if they wanted to see it. But no one was looking, which was comforting in a way for him.

Frank didn't know how to comfort him, he had never, during all the time they had sent together, seen Gerard like this and, honestly, it was breaking his heart. Knowing that he was the reason Gerard was in such state. Knowing that it was all his fault broke his heart in a way that he didn't think it could be broken. He had never thought that just looking at someone so dear to him suffer would make him suffer too. He needed to stop this feeling for both him and Gerard, but he really didn't know how he could do that. All that crossed his mind was one simple sentence. A quote, some lyrics he knew in other time would have actually comforted Gerard or, at least, make him feel a little better.

He once sang it for Gerard when the boy had trusted him enough to tell him that he felt empty. That he couldn't feel anything at all and he asked Frank for help. And Frank, who didn't know what to do, cuddled the boy, who was, at the time, covered in someone's blood that wasn't his own.

Lowly and comfortingly, Frank started singing a melody he knew would cheer Gerard up, just like it used to before. Just like in the good old days when they were both young, stupid and in love. " _Because my love for you would break my heart in two_ ,"

His voice was raspy and low, deep and comfortable. It felt so familiar to Gerard's ears, and that was when he noticed how much he had missed Frank. How much he had actually missed him. How much he needed him again. And how bad he was still in love with him. He managed to stop his sobs, choking a little bit at first, in order to listen to him. He just wanted to listen to Frank's voice. Frank's voice felt like home.

" _If you should fall into my arms and tremble like a flower_ ," Frank whispered, caressing Gerard's lower back, his hand moving up and down in a comforting way.

Then, Gerard wanted to say something. He didn't exactly know why, he simply did. He felt like it was necessary in that moment. "I- I missed you... So bad." Gerard stuttered out, his voice breaking. It was almost inaudible, yet loud enough for Frank to hear. Frank made him feel human and he hated that. He hated that because, before Frank, he didn't have a weakness, but after he had met him and eventually fallen in love with him, Frank became his weakness. The one he would do anything for without thinking twice. Oh, how he regretted parting ways with him... How he really needed him more than he was willing to admit. Oh, how weak Frank had made him become.

"I know you did, baby," Frank whispered back, pecking his cheek. Guilt. Guilt washed over him. He was the reason why Gerard was broken. He was the reason why Gerard was there. He was the reason all of this was happening. "I know you did... I missed you too."

Gerard was completely unaware of what Frank had said about him. The lies, the name-calling... God, now he felt like shit. Calling Gerard his 'psycho masochist bitch', now that Gerard was in his arms, crying, sobbing, possibly having a panic attack, seemed awful. It made him sound like an asshole and, deep down, it made him regret ever saying that.

Frank was always the kind of person who would show off and mark what was his. Ever since he had gotten in prison, he had spoken a lot about Gerard, obviously claiming him as his own and talking about him as if he was nothing more than a possession of Frank's. Which was a lie, and even he knew it. In his sadomasochist relationship with Gerard, he would do all he could to mark Gerard as his own.

Hickeys, scratches, bruises, cuts, general scars. Those would be done on both of them when they were together, and they provided some kind of sadistic happiness to both of the males. And he managed to tell every single dirty detail of his and Gerard's relationship to his "friends".

Frank held Gerard's hand and brought it to his lips. Kissing it softly, he noticed there was still a big mark in it, smiling to himself. That scar was from a chemical burn he had given Gerard. It had been extremely painful for Gerard and God, did Frank love it. It was probably one of the best scars he could give someone. 

It was easy to make and Gerard had a more than great reaction to it. Frank started by licking Gerard's hand, and then he poured sodium hydroxide over it. Gerard started screaming, he started trying to move his hand away from Frank, he tried to fight back against it. Frank only held his arm forcefully and yelled at him, telling him that this was his pain. That Gerard had to feel it. Gerard tried to move his thought, to think about anything else, but Frank didn't let him. He made sure Gerard felt the pain. Gerard asked for water on it just so it stopped hurting so bad, but Frank knew water wouldn't softly.

"You can use water and make it worse, or you can face the pain and I'll tell you how you can stop it when I think you've had enough." Frank remembered saying. Gerard was crying at this point, still screaming, but now he was trying his hardest to look right into Frank's eyes, silently begging him to just make his pain go away. After some minutes, Frank finally put some vinegar on the wound, to neutralize it. That had probably been the most painful experience in Gerard's whole life.

Then, in the present, Frank was hit by a train of realization: he was the one who put Gerard in there. After Gerard doing so much for him and loving and trusting him in his own weird and fucked up way, he had put him in this hell. But, in Frank's defense, he felt like the flame on their relationship was gone and the fire it provoked was extinct, which wasn't true at all, being nothing more than a pure illusion, and he had just come to realize that. They hadn't seen each other in five years and Frank had forgotten what it was like to have Gerard in his arms. What it was like to love and care for someone. Plus, they offered to reduce his sentence in case he gave names of those who trafficked with him, so, he lied. Lied through his teeth, and now, although it was too late, he regretted it deeply. He let his own selfishness take control of his actions, also using it as a chance to be with Gerard again. But really, had it been worth it?

Their hug didn't honestly last much longer. Gerard wanted to recompose himself, not give enough time for everyone in that room to see him as an inferior, stupid being. Therefore, it didn't take much more until Gerard was off his lap and wiping his tears away. His eyes locked with Frank's and he smiled for a second, before letting the smile slowly fade away. Fade into dust.

This man had made him feel terrible so many times. He had made him feel a little more human, which he didn't like at all. Showing humanity at some points was the main reason someone would see him as weak. He didn't want to be weak in people's eyes, especially on his own. Because people's opinions hurt him too much, but his own disappointment was what hurt him the most.

Gerard gritted his teeth and took a very deep breath, composing himself, completely changing his mood and his posture. How could he always go back to Frank? What was it that he had done to always be pushed back to him?

Frank saw Gerard's face change and he knew something was about to come and he was honestly a little confused, but he knew Gerard was like a little ball of rage. So, he definitely knew Gerard was about to do something, he just didn't know what it was and he wasn't sure how he should deal with it. So, he ran a hand through his own hair.

Frustration, Gerard thought. His body language was indicating frustration and maybe, Gerard felt proud he could make Frank feel something. Deep down, he felt proud he was able to see what was once his. He was proud he was finally looking at the man who made him feel alive. And he was especially proud that he could still make this man feel things he probably didn't want to feel at all. Like love. Love was something that Gerard didn't want, but it was something that Frank didn't want either.

The guys behind Frank were just watching them and Gerard raised an eyebrow at them, getting a smirk as a reply. Pride, they were proud motherfuckers. What had they done to be so proud of? Considering that they were in jail, not much, probably. They were probably some stupid bitches who thought they were better than him, when they knew nothing about him or what he had done. They didn't know that Gerard could choke them both to death if he wanted to. That he could cut them open and give their body parts as food to the inmates. But he didn't want to get into even more trouble. He didn't want to face more trouble than he was already facing. He wanted to soon be out of there.

Frank, however, finally spoke, waking him up from the thoughts he was glad he was having because, somehow, they were distracting him. They were creating a small little universe he was using as a way to cope with all of this bullshit that was too new for him and that confused him a little too much. "It's okay, my angel... You're okay." Was what Frank said.

Gerard gasped, and raised an eyebrow. After what had happened five years before, was Frank really able to say that? After what he had done to him, how could he? Oh, sweet anger. Bitter sadness. That was the mix of emotions going on Gerard's messed up mind.

Yet, all he managed to reply was "I am not your angel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how was it?? oh gosh pls let me know what you think.. thanks!


End file.
